Are We Bound to Others for Their Sake Only?
Pondering Relationships and Our Dedication to Others
The last few days, I’ve been reflecting on my past relationships, breakups, and the feelings of my exes. I’ve also been reflecting on the breakups of my friends and my partner.
For the most part, there’s always one side ready to leave, and the other side left heartbroken and holding on.
And man, it’s tough.
I remember my ex blatantly ignoring the things he did to drive me away, insisting that some other man had stolen me away. There wasn’t.
I remember years later how he still drunk-texted me to say, “My heart is still with you, I still love you.” Long after I had moved on and found new, true love.
I remember being told, “I want you back in my life.” Despite the fact that being with them made me miserable. Destroyed me internally. Drove me to be and do things that aren’t “me”. I hated who I was with them. And I hated what I put up with for far too long.
But their feelings.
I understand the heartache. I understand longing for a love that no longer exists. And I feel their pain. For others who also feel the pain of exes, it can tend to lead us back into the arms of the ex, just for the sake of making them stop hurting.
But is that the right thing to do? To allow ourselves to continue in a pointless future with someone that we aren’t happy with?
Is it worth the arguments, the alienation, the lies, and the false sense of security, just to make them happy?
From my point-of-view:
No. It’s not worth it.
Too often, we fall into the notion that “maybe if we stick it out, things will get better. I can’t stand to see them hurting. I don’t want to hurt them.” And at the end of the day, we’ve led them on, given them false senses of hope and love, and spent far too much of our life in something that doesn’t work for us.
We were willing to “keep trying” despite being broken and beaten down little-by-little over weeks, months, and years.
All because we didn’t want to cause the other person heartbreak.
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