Gaining Back Everything I Lost, and More
Keeping the Hope That Something Better Is Coming
Between late 2011 and Early 2013, I lost everything. My ex-husband, the father of my children, had been accused of (and plead guilty to) sexual assault of a minor. As a result of his sins and crimes, I was losing my marriage, my job, my career, my home, many friends and colleagues… everything.
After my ex-husband’s defense lawyer told us that the DNA was undeniably his, I did the only thing I could. I filed for divorce, got permission to take my kids out of state legally, and came back to Georgia to my father’s home. I hadn’t lived at home since I was 18, but my dad welcomed me and his grandchildren home with open arms (despite his new battles with cancer).
We only had a few suitcases of clothes, a box or two of kitchen items, and a few boxes of toys. I had relatively no savings anymore (but I don’t regret the lawyer I hired for the divorce), I had no home to call my own, I had nothing but the indirect shame that hung over me every day.
During this period, I often felt like the Biblical Job. If you’re unfamiliar with Job, he was a man of God, full of integrity, beyond reproach, with a large family and strong livestock. But due to a disagreement between God and Satan, he lost his livestock, his children, his wife, was covered in painful sores and boils, and even his friends assumed that he must have sinned or else he wouldn’t be suffering so much. Eventually, Satan gave up the bet and God rewarded Job with far more than he had originally lost.
I had resolved myself to never let the situations I went through define the path of my life nor the well-being of my children. I knew that with determination, perseverance, and some innate skills and personal characteristics, that I would make something of myself that my kids would be proud of.
Within a week of moving back to Georgia, I started looking for a job again in a new field, new career, from the very bottom. I researched local apartments and common cost-of-living expenses, made a budget, figured out what hourly rate I would need in order to survive with my kids, and set that as my lowest rate I’d accept in any job. I had grown fond of finance and accounting in my previous position, and searched for any role that matched my experience and could pay the bills. 3 weeks later, I landed a job as an AR Specialist that would be a catalyst for the next 8 years as I quickly and efficiently climbed the corporate ladder.
Now that I had a stable job with the hourly rate I needed to provide for my little ones, I was able to afford an apartment right around the corner from my father’s neighborhood. Things really began to look up. I also had begun dating a man that would eventually become their stepfather, though that marriage also crashed and burned (that’s a story for another time).
My feelings of being a modern-day Job had come full circle. I had been given a career, new friends, financial stability, a new love interest, and a home and belongings that were all my own. I felt that I was finally able to erase the look of pity that people gave me when they associated me with his crimes and not my own virtues and success. I was happy, healthy, financially stable, and had found my way out of the storm.
Life may not always turn out exactly as we hoped, and certainly not as we expect, but we can always make the best of every situation. Always look for the silver linings and opportunities to rise above. There is always hope.
Some of my favorite quotes that have often helped me push through are:
“Everything will be ok, one way or another.” — Selena Brown (me)
“Never be a prisoner of your past. It was just a lesson, not a life sentence. Life goes on.” — Anonymous
“After a storm comes a calm.” — Matthew Henry
“Every cloud has a silver lining.” — John Milton
Best wishes in finding your silver linings. Every storm will end eventually.
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