From "Clean Your Face and Stop Crying" to "Don't Hide Your Tears"
Why finding someone who fostered my vulnerability instead of shutting it down became the beginning of my healing journey
The worst 'ugly cry' of my life became the most beautiful moment of healing.
When Vulnerability Felt Like Weakness
For years, I was in relationships with people that either shut down every time I got sad or told me to go “clean my face and come back when you’re done crying”.
Emotional abuse seems like an appropriate term for the way I was demeaned. But vulnerability has been new for me in my relationship with my now husband.
When I met my husband, I had built up a ton of walls.
Don’t show your tears
Don’t piss them off
Don’t disagree with them
Don’t stand up for yourself in an argument
I was broken. I was determined career-wise to keep rising. I was hopeful for someone that would truly love me and be my partner to come along. I still had goals and ambitions to provide the best for my kids. But I was still broken.
The Ice Cream Date That Changed Everything
I remember one date early on, as we sat in his car at Bruster’s eating our ice cream. We were discussing some aspects of previous relationships (we had a similar past which helped us bond early on), and at one point I started to tear up. As soon as I felt the emotions building up, I sucked them back in and turned away.
But this man… he noticed… and he told me not to hide my tears.
Of course, that made me tear up again, with even more intensity. As I tried once more to instinctively hide them, I buried my face inside my hoodie.
He refused to let me hide, tugging at my hoodie to get me to look at him, reminding me that I didn’t have to hide it anymore.
The dam broke free and my tears burst forth. I cried what was probably the worst “ugly cry” I have ever cried before. But there was something so beautiful about it. The release. The weight lifted. The fear being washed away in the flood of tears.
And so my journey of healing began.
What I Learned About Real Love
He taught me over a cup of ice cream that vulnerability is a good thing. The right people will foster it and accept it. The wrong ones will shut it down.
It’s been 4 years since I met him (1 year of marriage), and the healing is still in progress for both of us. We still have a fair bit of conditioning from our exes to undo. Neither of us would have ever healed where we were. And although divorce is painful, I am grateful that we both escaped our toxic relationships long ago and eventually found each other.
Every argument and disagreement we come across is a steppingstone to better understanding, more compassion, a deeper bond. We’ve really embraced that it’s us against the problem, not us against each other. It’s made a huge difference in how we approach conflict versus how our exes still approach conflict.
Vulnerability shows up in many ways. At home, at work, in personal branding, relationships, writing, and so much more.
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How to Spot Someone Safe for Your Vulnerability
If you're wondering how to identify safe people like my husband, here are three signs that someone is safe for you to be vulnerable with them.
1. They respond with empathy, not judgment
When you share something personal or painful, they listen without trying to fix, dismiss, or criticize. Instead, they validate your feelings — even if they don’t fully understand.
Example:
You say, “I’ve been feeling like I’m failing lately,” and they respond with:
“That sounds really hard. I’m glad you told me.”
Not:
“You’re just overthinking it.”
2. They respect your boundaries and confidentiality
A safe person knows how to hold space without oversharing your story or pushing you to go deeper than you’re ready. You never feel exposed, interrogated, or like your pain is being used as gossip or leverage.
3. They show consistency over time
Trustworthy people are predictable in how they show up. They don’t switch between being warm and cold depending on their mood, and they don’t use your vulnerability against you later. Emotional safety requires reliability, not perfection.
Look for:
They follow through on their word
They stay supportive even when you're not at your best
They don’t weaponize what you’ve shared in conflict
Green flag: They ask, “Is it okay if I check in with you about this later?”
Red flag: You hear what you shared being repeated to someone else.
Remember: Vulnerability isn’t a weakness. It’s the price of growth.
Comment below: What walls have you built that might be keeping love out?
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Shattered became my superpower. The day my world exploded, I discovered that broken things aren't worthless—they're raw materials for something stronger. Two little ones needed me to figure this out fast.
Through desperate determination, I created the 4-Step Adaptive Growth System (launching August 1st for paid subscribers)—the exact process that transforms shattered lives into unshakeable strength. If you're holding the pieces of your life, wondering how to put them back together, SUBSCRIBE TODAY.
Shattered glass becomes stained glass—beautifully, purposefully whole.
I love this. Unlearning things that hold us back is the hardest part of this journey, and this is one of the big ones. Thanks for sharing, and for putting it so beautifully