Gaining Resiliency Through Job Loss
Part 3 of a 5-Part Series
The third victor in our 5-part series is
, a man who faced a heavily stigmatized event and found a way forward when a resolution was mostly out of his control. For anyone either searching for a new job or looking for the next rung up in the career ladder, the words “I got fired” can often times leave a bad taste in the mouth of the recipient. But even those dreaded words don’t mean that your career is over.The Ascent Before the Fall
For many of us, especially in the corporate world, our lifelong goals are wrapped up into climbing the corporate ladder and reaching the top. But it usually comes after many years of experience and making all the right connections. For David, he spent 15 years of his software engineering career as an individual contributor.
I wanted nothing more than to become an Engineering Manager and have direct reports. For two years, I did everything I could to learn about engineering leadership and put myself in a position to take on a management role.
Once he finally obtained the job he had dreamed of, he struggled to balance the dual role of Engineering Manager and Senior Software Engineer.
Within a year, he was fired and entered the darkest period of his career.
The Swift Fall into Unemployment
As if getting fired weren’t enough, his troubles were extended for 8 months as he searched for his next role. The constant search for a new financial lifeline severely impacted his mental health.
When you’re fired, the word alone brings so much more social stigma than being laid off or quitting. It’s like an unspoken sin and carries its own scarlet letter. “F.” Not only does it carry a heavy weight in society, but it also eats away at your confidence and trust in your own abilities.
David’s mind rode its own spiral downward into the depths of self-doubt.
I wanted to be a manager so bad and I couldn’t even keep the job. Maybe I didn’t deserve to be a manager, I thought. Or maybe I wasn’t fit to work in the Tech industry anymore.
His emotions ran the gambit. Sadness, anger, depression for months. He had hit his emotional rock bottom with his self-esteem.
I had plenty of days when I felt like giving up. My job applications were rejected and ghosted daily. There were times when I felt like I’d never find a job again. The reason I never gave up was my family. I had to support them, and I knew that meant finding a job. Were it not for my wife and my two kids, I might’ve given up.
He also discovered that “we’re family” usually only goes as far as the company ties.
Even though he had good relationships with a few coworkers before leaving the company, they didn’t last. It reminded him what being fired or laid off does to your work relationships.
You become ostracized from your former company and coworkers—effectively ending those relationships.
As much as we grow close to those we work with 1/3 of our days, the employment agreement will always be the weakest link.
The Light in the Darkness
About halfway into his unemployment, things started to change.
It was a new year, which usually renews my optimism and brings me hope. I was getting farther with job interviews, even reaching some final rounds.
He reached a milestone in his healing journey, one many of us feel when we are on the receiving end of any life-altering event.
Acceptance.
Accepting the past and realizing that getting fired didn’t have to define his career or his life. He learned from his mistakes and made peace with the ones that ended his employment to begin with.
That moment propelled him forward, providing him with a deep conviction that he could be a valuable addition to a team and a company.
And though he had friends and family who always believed in him and his potential, it was a shift within him that gave him the courage to keep moving forward. No matter what negative things he had told himself initially, he made the decision not to quit the job search.
Reaching the final round in a few interviews gave him the confidence and strength to carry on. It was only a matter of time.
Sometimes in life you have to keep celebrating those small wins until that big win comes your way.
As he powered through the rest of his 8-month unemployment, he made sure to find healthy ways to cope and renew his dedication.
Regular breaks from the computer.
Getting outside and going for a walk or exercise.
Regular visits with his therapist to discuss how he was feeling.
Side projects to stay on top of his technical skills.
Reading and watching new TV shows for a mental break.
This experience made me realize that I’m more than my job. I’m a husband and a father. I have hobbies and interests outside of my 9-5 job. My career and day job are one part of my life, not all of it.
He also found that his faith strengthened despite having low moments.
He found himself praying more often and putting even more trust in God, that his prayers would eventually be answered.
As I always used to say, “God will always answer 1 of 3 ways: Yes, no, or not yet.”
Even though his faith had low points, he never gave up hope.
I remember getting on my knees and thanking God when I did get my next job. It felt incredible to know that a company chose me. I’ll never forget how it felt to finally get a yes after so many no’s.
New Beginnings and New Self-Confidence
When we’re faced with some of the hardest life challenges, we often find that we don’t need to rely on anyone, and that we are capable of so much more if we just believe in ourselves. The obstacles that once seemed insurmountable become steppingstones in a swift creek.
David discovered just how resilient and strong he was and is. Despite the very dark days over an 8-month storm, he never gave up. He held on to hope, celebrated small wins, and always pushed himself forward. He knows that he can conquer any challenge in life.
Even when his optimism waned, he still had just enough in his tank to keep moving forward. His spirit bent but it never broke, and that is what resiliency is all about.
There will always be peaks and valleys in life. When you embrace this fact, you get better at navigating your way through success and failure. You understand that life has different seasons and you’ll never stay down or up forever.
Lasting Lessons for Himself and For Others
Whenever we finally get through one of life’s storms, we always look back and wish we could have told ourselves something to give us hope.
David’s words for his former self might just be what you (or someone else) need.
You will get through this. You’re stronger than you think. Your career isn’t defined by one job or company. You will get hired again and make valuable contributions to companies.
No matter how tough things get, there is always a silver lining. The sun always comes out at the end of the storms.
Not only did it show him how strong he is, but it also revealed a harsh truth about working for a company—your job can be eliminated at any time.
A little more than a year into his next job, he was laid off. But he bounced back and found a new job in two months. Getting laid off and being unemployed felt different for David that time around. He was confident that he’d find a job soon and his mental health didn’t suffer like before.
He is rightfully convinced that it was because he went through hell and back the last time that he was unemployed. The struggles we live through do make us stronger, especially when we don’t allow ourselves to spiral.
When you make it through a dark valley in life, you become more resilient. Failures and tragedies still sting, but you know you’ll come out on the other side because you’ve done it before.
At the end of it all, David is grateful for all the challenges he’s faced in life, including this experience, and he’s become a better person because of it.
If you know someone that’s struggling and in need of some resiliency, please do share the post and publication!
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Thank you for telling my story, Selena. I needed to be reminded of what I’ve been through in life at this time. And it certainly inspires me to keep going.