Why You Should Avoid Vices Like the Plague

Here's How It Helped Me Endure 27+ Months of My Ex's Legal Issues

Photo by ennif pendahl on Unsplash

Back in 2011, my ex-husband committed sexual assault of a minor. At the time, I believed he was innocent, and it brought on 27 months of struggle, including his arrest, sending my kids to my dad for the summer, well over a year of court, filing for divorce, his conviction and sentencing, and starting life over with just my kids. (You can read more about it here.)

Most people would say how terrible the struggle must have been, how strong I was, so on and so forth. And yes, I was, but there were a few things that I did intentionally to be the best I could along the way. 

One of those things was avoiding vices altogether. 

I did have a little bit of an advantage to start with as I hadn’t touched alcohol since I was 18 (I watched an ex-boyfriend’s father drink himself to sleep every evening and swore I’d never drink that much). I never smoked or did drugs either. Watching my mom smoke my entire life meant I never wanted that for myself either. 

But crazy life changes like this is what leads many people to drink or smoke or elsewise. Certain substances can make us forget our troubles for the moment. They interrupt and alter the pathways for our chemical changes in our brain, causing increases in the happy ones (dopamine, serotonin, endorphin, and oxytocin). We get a temporary feeling of joy, happiness, reward from these substances, but they don’t last and we end up craving them again.

Using substances like drugs can even make normal, everyday activities no longer pleasurable because they’ve rewired our brain’s reward system.  The same goes for other compulsive behaviors like excessively playing games, shopping, or binge eating.

I knew that starting any vice would harm me in the long run and wouldn’t really give me any benefits.

The temporary calm from smoking or the numbing of pain from drinking, those would fade away and nothing would be solved or get better. I’d be spending money I didn’t have (and harming my body) for zero advantage or progress.

So, I decided to continue my life without the vices and without negative behaviors.

Instead of allowing vices to be my coping mechanisms, I looked towards things that would give me other emotional highs without any vice consumption necessary. If it provided a positive benefit for my health or my family, even better. Here are some examples of what I chose:

• Going on walks with the kids

• Finishing small tasks around the house and celebrating accomplishments at work

• Taking Krav Maga classes

• Eating healthier, more delicious meals (especially poultry and fish that have a specific amino acid which boosts serotonin)

• Enjoying just a bit of chocolate each night - the point is to be moderate, not overindulge

• Watching funny movies and spend time with encouraging, uplifting friends

• Learning to be grateful for all I have and believe I can be better and do better

• Getting to bed on time and aiming for 8 hours

• Reducing caffeine and increased things that are good for me: milk, juices, water

• Avoiding toxic people and negative influences

These things (and more) allowed me to improve my outlook in the worst days and gave me permanent, positive effects on my life. I was able to focus on my family, getting back on my feet, and starting my entire life over, and avoided going down a dark hole and causing more issues for myself and others. 

You can do it, too. It all starts with a mindset change and an honest, consistent effort to change our behaviors.

Take a bit of time TODAY to discover which habits are actually hindering your ability to push through the challenges in your life. What small thing can you change today? What can you change tomorrow?

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