Here's How I Made It Work as a "Teen Mom"
Don't Let Your Age and Your Situation Define Your Future
Way back in the day (ok, it was 2004), I got pregnant by a guy that I hadn’t dated very long at all. I was 19, had previously made a decision to wait to go to college (despite having been accepted to two colleges I loved), and was making $10/hr working roughly 32 hours per week as a store clerk.
By all definitions of society, I was in a rough spot and certainly not ready to have a kid.
To take it a step further against what society says you should and shouldn’t do, I married the guy. And 9 days before I turned 20, my daughter was born (and my goodness, I fell in love and was determined to do everything I could for her).
I had become a teen statistic. But that’s not the point of this post. And if you’re in the same boat, you shouldn’t dwell on it either (trust me, it does nothing good for you).
When I was younger, I was already pretty tenacious. I got really good grades, graduated with a 3.84 GPA, and worked two jobs while in high school. Not because I needed to, but because I wanted to. I was all around a good kid. I just made some bad choices once I was an adult. (Don’t we all?)
I used that tenacity to my advantage and kicked myself into high gear.
$10 an hour. Granted, in 2005 when she was born, I could get an apartment for $800, not the $1000-1300 that it costs now. However, to make things fair, my now-19-year-old daughter is making $15/hr in a similar position. So it evens out.
I knew based on my current pay that I could afford a small apartment in an “ok” area of town, especially if we combined our incomes (he made $8/hr for context). We would be able to get an apartment and a car and live somewhat ok. Maybe not going out to dinners and movies often, but we would survive.
But I wasn’t content with the way things were, and I wanted to provide more for my daughter. Especially since I knew I’d be paying for formula, diapers, and daycare.
The first thing I did was search for a better job. I wrote down all the things I could do, including use Microsoft Office products, my close-to-fluent use of Spanish, and the ability to keep schedules and be highly organized. I knew I didn’t want to work a job in the evenings that would keep me from spending time with my family as she grew up, and I didn’t want to work multiple jobs.
With all of that, I knew a pay range that I both wanted and that I was qualified to earn, and I began searching.
Secretary I. There it was. Answering phones? Check. Maintaining a calendar? Check. Booking flights and hotels? Check. Filing and organizing? Check. Oh man, THIS was a job I could do. And it paid $15 - not too shabby.
I landed that job just a few months before she was born, and I was able to have health insurance (please, for the love of all that you care about, please get health insurance). The total bill for her birth and our 2-day stay? $700.
I had been researching daycares in the area and found one that would cost us $120 per week. It was really small, not a chain location, but I checked it out anyway. All the caregivers seemed like loving grandmas that had experience with kids and seemed to genuinely “love” each and every child in their care. As per the usual, daycares usually don’t accept babies until they are 6 weeks old, but I only had a month saved up and had to go back to work. I discussed with the daycare the possibility of starting early, and they made an agreement with me (along with some signed papers) to let her start early. And it turned out to be a great option. We kept them for the next 2 years when we moved, even into when our second was born.
As I mentioned before, we didn’t go out to eat a lot, but I found ways to cook for my husband and I, and I took advantage of every coupon I found or extra opportunity to earn money.
For example, we had a friend that was a teacher for the children of circus performers. Literally. The circus would travel Mexico and the US, and he would teach the children of the performers, and do some additional things like send documents and letters for the owners. He was highly educated but somehow ended up there. It didn’t matter though. He was happy and he was doing something important. Long story short, sometimes he had to send letters or responses to entities that only spoke English, and since my Spanish was pretty damn good, he paid me $10 per page to translate letters for him. Not bad when we were in a tight spot financially.
Use your skills and talents to have side hustles. You never know who will pay you for what you know. Just make sure it’s not detrimental to your family nor your future.
Given all of the above, I’m not ashamed to say that we still had months that we were struggling to make ends meet. We did garage sales at my dad’s house to buy groceries, or sold plasma at local plasma centers to pay for medical bills that popped up or higher electricity costs during the summer. We did what we needed to do to survive until we could land better jobs. We were too proud to ask my dad for help financially, but we did accept the use of his driveway to bring in some quick cash.
Over time, life changed, jobs changed, and our life circumstances changed. And despite being young parents, we made it work. Now my oldest is in college and my youngest will be graduating high school soon. I’ve also remarried and am raising two stepkids with my husband. (If you want to know what happened to the father of my kids, you can read it here.)
If you’re young, pregnant (or with a new little one), and worried about the future, take it one day at a time.
Take a look at everything you have, everything you can do, and look to people you know. You will be amazed at what you can achieve if you take the time to improve your life little-by-little. Never give up, never stop trying. One day, it won’t be so stressful and you’ll be so glad you put in the effort up front.
If you know someone that would like or benefit from this post, please do share. :)