Looking Long Enough to See the Other Side of the Coin
Innocent Villains
How many times have we been angry and upset with someone else, and blamed them wholly?
I’m usually a pretty laid back person - quiet, calm, able to keep my composure, and bite my tongue. But once in a blue moon, someone will really irk me, and my blood pressure will rise. I may still bite my tongue and keep my composure, but I’ve lost the ability to control my emotions.
When this happens, it’s human nature for us to feel like we are being attacked, to portray the other person as the villain of the story. We run to our partners, our parents, our friends, complaining and griping about just how terrible the other person is being. And maybe they really are being pretty terrible.
But how often do we sit back and really try to view the issue from their point of view and give them the benefit of the doubt?
What’s going on in their life that could cause them to speak and react in such a way? Is there something I could have said better or clarified? Did I spur on any angry comments? Is there really a villain in the situation?
Maybe the “bad guy” in the story has just gone through a rough breakup. Maybe they made a terrible mistake and are living with consequences. Maybe they’re in financial trouble and looking for any way to make ends meet, even if the method they choose isn’t a good one. Maybe they’re missing their kids or their parents and are processing the loss negatively. Maybe they really do want to do what they believe is “right”, even though we believe it’s “wrong”.
How much ground can be won by just being a bit more compassionate, understanding, and patient in our battles?
And in those battles, can we still protect ourselves and others with each inch we gain?
Sure, there will always be moments where lying, cheating, stealing, and being cruel and demeaning are obvious issues that shouldn’t be happening, but maybe they simply don’t know another way and could learn to improve if we are willing to not react with negativity or with the same treatments.
Can the “bad guy” adopt good traits and qualities from their “enemy”? Can the “enemy” learn to show their good qualities and good intentions in a way that won’t further harm the villain, pushing them deeper into their despair and poor behavior?
Can one, as an adult, be rewired to behave well with positive reinforcement and example? Truly reformed?
Can the “good guy” pause long enough to look deep at their own behavior and find flaws, equally poor behavior, or negativity?
Maybe… just maybe… the villain in our lives isn’t such a bad guy after all.