Master Resiliency: Positive Actions 101
Beginning your Journey to Mastering Resiliency
Before I tell you three things that you can do starting today to jump start positive actions, let me tell you a little about my back story.
Back in 2011, my ex-husband committed a crime that resulted in me losing my marriage, my job, my home, and my support system. From the moment he was accused of sexual assault of a minor to the moment he fled the country 27 months later, it was a constant roller coaster of emotions and difficult decisions. For over a year, I believed his story and traveled to court every few months in hopes it would be dismissed. Until the final nail in the coffin came in an irrefutable DNA test result proving his guilt. From there, it was navigating divorce with two young children and realizing I would soon be without a job and a home.
There were several moments during that 2+ year period that my ability to “push forward” was tested.
Needing to get him a defense lawyer when I had no funds
Needing to bail him out of jail when a bail bondsman wouldn’t take the normal 10% due to his case and flight risk
Needing to file for divorce
Needing to return to GA
Needing to find a job to afford a home and a life for my kids
But I knew that if I didn’t do something, if I didn’t make things happen, no one was going to save me. I knew that I didn’t want to spend my entire life relying on others - not for housing, not for money, not for happiness. I had learned all too well that I needed to take action.
Here are three action-oriented techniques I want to you practice every day - before, during, and after the storm.
Be decisive and take action instead of wishing things were better
Make friends and connections that have positive outlooks on life and encourage you
Choose music and movies/shows with positive messages rather than those that make you more depressed or deeper in your own misery
Be decisive and take action instead of wishing things were better
During all of those moments in which I needed to push forward, it would have been too easy (mentally, emotionally, physically) to sit back and wish things were better. To pray and hope and let time pass by.
Instead of finding someone to help me get a lawyer for him and people to help with collateral for bail, I could have let him stayed in jail all the way until trial. (In hindsight, I probably should have, but I believed my husband was innocent.)
I could have stayed in the marriage even after I found out he was guilty, but putting myself and my kids through that even after he was sentenced and left the country? No thank you.
And I could have lived in my father’s house for more than a month, sharing a bedroom with my kids and our cat, for years.
Even though my children and I were indirect victims of his crimes, I refused to play the victim or let his sins decide my future. But I could not have made it out and made it forward if I didn’t take action - every step of the way.
Was it difficult? Hell yes. Was it emotionally and mentally taxing? Absolutely.
But I would rather deal with the temporary discomforts and struggles to escape the storm, rather than allowing it to consume my life forever.
Whatever it is you’re going through - find a way to take action. A little step here. A phone call there. I promise you, one day you’ll look back and be glad you did.
Make friends and connections that have positive outlooks on life and encourage you
One of the best things I could have ever done was to foster friendships that motivated me and kept me in healthy patterns.
I’ve known people that go through divorce and they end up allowing themselves to dip into heavy drinking, drugs, and negative behaviors. They allow people that perpetually have no desire to excel influence their lives, never escaping the depths that they’ve sunk to.
So I stayed away from people that accepted life as it was, or chose behaviors and actions that kept them stuck.
I looked for people that could encourage me to push forward on days I was drained.
I connected with people that could mentor me and teach me so that I could excel in my new career.
The company you keep can either hinder you or propel you forward. If you want out of your storm, don’t pick the ones that weigh you down.
Choose music and movies/shows with positive messages rather than those that make you more depressed or deeper in your own misery
My favorite movie of all time is Shawshank Redemption. Why? I’ll get to that in a bit.
When people go through breakups or similar situations, they love to wallow in their own misery. They listen to music full of sadness and rage, they post “woe is me” content to their social medias, and they watch things that fuel their negative feelings.
I get it, it can be cathartic, but at some point, you have to break free of that and begin searching for things that will help you heal and move forward.
Here’s the thing about your brain: the more negative content you feed it and the more negative thoughts you have, the more you are literally physically altering it for the worse. It develops nooks and dips instead of being smooth surfaced. It becomes less able to handle stress, changes, and problem solve.
But a brain that is fed positive content and that is pushed towards upbeat thinking begins to heal. It becomes physically smoother, it makes better neural connections, and it can better endure mental and emotional hardships.
So sure, give yourself a couple of days to wallow in your misery. And then start searching for motivational posts, movies of overcoming and happiness.
You know how I mentioned Shawshank Redemption earlier? I love it because it’s the story of a man who was innocent and good, but was screwed over and over. No matter how bad life got, he always had hope. He always had this drive to make good out of every situation. He made himself useful, he helped others, and eventually, he found his way out.
We may not be in a literal prison, but it sure can feel like it. We can get betrayed, abused, knocked down, and everything taken from us… but in the words of Andy (the main character from the movie):
“Remember, Red: hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.”
It’s up to you
Your future is up to you. Either you stay stuck in the depths of your situations, or you make the best of now and find your way forward. Every action you make today will have long-lasting impacts on your life. So choose wisely.
Start today!
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