My Husband Left
Why Time Alone is a Good Thing
My husband left yesterday.
It’s his annual hunting trip way out in Oklahoma, 12+ hours from home.
When we first started dating, it wasn’t such a terribly emotional thing for him to leave. I didn’t get to see him daily anyway, and we can always keep in touch whenever he has cell phone service.
Here’s when things took a drastic turn for me emotionally.
No longer “alone”
Last year, we bought a house together and officially blended houses, becoming one big, 6-person family. And it was wonderful. Me and my two girls; him and his two kids… always something going on and always a house full of noise (good or bad).
And then Thanksgiving came. His kids went to stay with their mom for a week, and he went to Oklahoma. Within a couple of hours, my family was half gone, and though it was only for a week, it hit hard.
This year, my oldest in over an hour away at college, my second oldest has a job and is doing her own thing but is “home”, and the two little ones are home with us this year.
The oldest of the “little ones” is a 12-year-old, 6’ tall, size-15-shoe-wearing giant (with a heart of gold). He’s going on the trip with his father, hoping to get his second deer ever. And I’m excited for him.
The youngest of all 4 kids will be spending a few days with me while we wait for them to come back. It’s going to be an all-girls home vacation, and I can’t wait.
Despite having 3 of us ladies home, I can’t help but remember that the nights will be even quieter and I won’t have my personal bed warmer.
Time to grab an extra fluffy blanket for the bed.
Why this is all ok
Now, some of you may be rolling your eyes, others may be softly patting your heart saying, “awwww”. But whatever you’re thinking, it’s caused me to remember my single days and being alone. It reminds me of what I can and should do during those times.
And it’s a reminder that we can find a lot of strength and resilience in our times of solitude.
Some of the ways that this happens is through:
Time to reflect
Reduced distractions
Opening our mind to creativity
Although I won’t be 100% alone and will still have two humans to provide for and entertain, here’s how I plan to use any of my alone time.
Time to Reflect
Once in a while… ok, more than once in a while… I need time to decompress. To get away from the constant noise and just sit in silence. It’s a time when I can think about everything going on and really let my heart and soul align with my brain. It brings up a lot of past memories and concerns, but it also allows me to find what it really important to me. It allows my soul to reconnect to my husband in a completely different way. After all, they say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. And all I need is one pic of him smiling to turn me into a puddle of mushy, goopy love.
Reduced Distraction
With my stepson and husband gone, and I say this with all the love I possess, it will be less rowdy around the house. Which means that at night when the littlest one is in bed, I won’t have anything or anyone to distract me. I can write, sleep extra, take bubble baths, anything. It’ll be my time to focus on just my needs and wants. My goals, my values, and myself. And as a bonus, I’ll be able to spend some quality time with my stepdaughter, deepening the bond of love that we already have.
Opening Our Mind to Creativity
Have you ever wondered why you think of your best ideas in the shower? Or in the car? It’s because solitude gives our brains time to churn through ideas and problems. Imagine a computer with tons of programs open, constantly on the brink of crashing due to memory overload. Our brain works the same way. When we have less programs running in our brain, we have more power and focus going into the few programs that are open.
During these times, I plan to write, or study, or maybe FaceTime with my oldest as we continue to watch the latest episodes of Cobra Kai. (Ok, that last one isn’t really part of creativity, but still important to me.)
It took me a long time to be ok with being “alone”. Ironically, my introverted personality always needed someone around. Not necessarily at night, but someone to talk to daily. Friends, someone I was dating, my daughters. I love human contact - to an extent. But now I truly understand how beneficial solitude can be, and I use every moment the best I can.
But believe me, I will be over the moon when my husband comes home and “my solitude” becomes “our solitude”.
My key takeaway
In your moments of being alone, take advantage of every uninterrupted moment to improve yourself and your circumstance.
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