Overcoming the Anxiety of the Dreaded “To Be Determined”
How planning can help overcome fear of the unknown
Humans are planners. From the beginning of time, we planned ways to feed and shelter ourselves, to advance our status, and ensure the longevity of our bloodlines. We look forward to dinner dates, college and career choices, weddings and growing families. And we have expectations for our lives, our loved ones, our children, and our future in general.
Despite all our attempts to have our life completely put together, there’s still so much left unforeseen. TBD (to be determined), as it were.
Those three letters and words can bring either great excitement or great anxiety, depending on context and individual personalities.
If it’s an upcoming movie to be released at some point in the summer of the upcoming year, then that TBD date isn’t so bad.
Yet something as seemingly simple as waiting to hear what’s at the end of the infamous “can we talk?” can be viewed as exciting or dreadful.
But what if you’re waiting for the return of your partner from war? Or wondering if you’ll ever be able to get pregnant? Each day that passes can be filled with worry and anxiety.
Feeling anxious when plans fail
There is a quote by Dylan Graham (@TheDylanGraham) that says:
99% of the harm is caused in your head by you and your thoughts. 1% of the harm is caused by what actually happens and the outcome. Most of the time, the problem isn’t the problem. The way you think about the problem is.
We place so much hope on what is to come and feel completely let down when our plans don’t work out.
Canceled dates. Changing careers. Failed relationships and marriages. Death.
Overcoming negative feelings
How can we overcome the negativity, the anxiety, the uncertainty?
A famous religious quote attributed to Reinhold Niebuhr, Lutheran theologian (1892–1971) says,
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
And I believe that his words are the key. There are so many things that are out of our control. So why should we spend our energy and our emotions on them as if our efforts will make any difference?
Sometimes, we have to let the cards fall where they may.
At least for the things that are truly not ours to decide or direct.
Planning for the unforeseen
But for the things that we can influence. The outcomes and moments that we can direct or move, even slightly, we plan.
Plan for the loss of a job. The forbidden loss of a loved one. Prepare your life as best as you can to help mitigate the risks that come with life.
If you have even a bit of a chance to change your future, give it your best attempt. And don’t let TBD control your present nor your future 100%.
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