Perseverance Despite 2 Years of Agony

You, Too, Can Make It Through Your Darkest Struggles

Photo by Louis Galvez on Unsplash

I remember being completely depressed for three days, stuck in the bedroom in bed. I couldn’t stop crying, wondering what to do next, how to save my then-husband, and what was going to happen to everything that we called life in that moment.

I had just sent my kids off to spend as much time as necessary with my father, half way across the country.

Only days after my now-ex-husband was arrested.

In all of my agony and grief and worry, my brain even went as far as to wonder if somehow it was my fault. Undoubtedly, there was no way it could have been.

Every night I would call my children to talk to them about their day. Tell them good night. And I would lie to their young, pleading eyes that daddy was away on a work trip and was unable to call.

It would be a long time before I would ever have the heart to tell them that their father went to jail. Even longer to tell the reason why.

After three days of near complete isolation and a severe lack of food, I had decided that nothing would be done and nothing resolved if I didn’t get up and make it happen.

So I worked tirelessly for a month, to secure a lawyer, to secure money for a bail bond, and to secure seven people to provide their homes as collateral for the bondsman.

Yes, my ex-husband’s bail was that high, as was his “flight risk”.

At the time I believed he was innocent. I was determined to do everything in my power to save my ex-husband, to clear his name, and reunite my family. No matter how much I was hurting, I had to push the emotion down and focus on what was necessary.

At the end of a month, I had all I needed and picked him up outside of the jail. Days later, I flew my kids home.

For many months, we went to court, over and over and over. The case was always continued though my heart begged God for an end. The emotional whiplash was nearly unbearable.

Over a period of roughly 27 months, beginning to end, we went from accusation to arrest, from bail to countless court dates. In that time, I also found out he was undeniably guilty, filed for divorce, moved back to GA with my kids, and witnessed his sentencing and him fleeing the country. Forever gone from our lives.

2 years. The most painful and long lasting battle I have ever endured.

So many times I lost hope and stood up strong again. So many nights I went to bed crying, hoping the kids couldn’t hear me as the slept in the bunk bed feet away from me in a room in my dad’s house. But every morning, I would wake up, determined to make the future better for them, and for me.

And I did.

Resilience doesn’t mean that we are immune from the emotional and physical struggles. It just means that we are able to bounce back to a sense of control and purpose, in order to get through the difficult times.

The pain may still last for years after, but the determination and perseverance are stronger.

If you are going through an unbearable time in your life, or know someone that is, please consider subscribing so that, with my experience of struggles and victories, I can help others through the dark storms.

And if you want to know more about what my ex did, and my struggles to move forward, please read this post:

https://open.substack.com/pub/selenabrown/p/overcoming-tragedy

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