Sometimes, It Is “Me”
An honest look at the one person you can actually change
For some, self-criticism is easy (even if unwarranted). For others, it rarely occurs.
The phrase “it’s me, not you” is typically used during a breakup to avoid hurting the other person. But when we’re trying to get out of a bad situation, how often do we really look at us rather than them?
One lady I know, let’s call her Sally, always seems to find herself in a difficult situation. She chooses the wrong people to be in relationships with, she has terrible habits and makes poor choices, she doesn’t commit to anything whether it be a job or her children or improving herself in general. The only thing she seems to improve is the mask she wears for the world each day.
She often complains “woe is me” and tells the whole world about how terrible life is for her, how she just can’t seem to make it through. In her case, it tends to always lean towards “it’s you” rather than “it’s me.”
No matter how many poor choices she makes, it’s always somebody else’s fault.
There is a total lack of responsibility and ownership.
And that’s a difficult place for anyone to be in.
When things are going wrong, the world is falling apart, it’s far too easy to get defensive and to find anyone else to blame. We see it in children, we see it in politicians, we see it in every demographic there is.
And if you’re reading this right now, and you’re getting a little bit pissed off or upset, then keep reading. It might be your sign that there’s some internal work to do on yourself in order to get out of your storm.
In Sally’s example, she complains she has no money, but she doesn’t care to keep a job long enough to progress or make more. She prefers to do whatever seems easiest at the moment and abandons ship when it gets harder.
But those choices are not permanent, viable solutions. They won’t help her to move forward in life, to pay the bills, to save money for a rainy day, a medical expense, or even retire.
I get it, I get it, we all hit moments that we are truly and honestly in need. Moments where we have tried everything we can and worked our butts off to succeed. But once we hit those other moments where we have pretty much given up on trying, where we expect everybody else to provide for us, they can only go so far.
Here’s what I want you to do:
What is your biggest concern and your biggest complaint about your life right now?
Write that down. Think about it for a while, answer it.
What do you need to do in order to make a change? Not your parent or your significant other, not your friend down the road, what do you need to do? Where are you lacking in your actions and in your behaviors that is leading you to be stuck in this situation?
Write down three things:
What can you do this week to start making steps towards getting out of that situation?
What can you work on in the next month?
What can you work on in the next six months?
Set some goals for yourself. Put these questions and answers somewhere that you can reflect on them and remind yourself that sometimes, we are the ones that need to change in order to make a positive difference in our own lives.