The Divorce Budget
How losing my safety net taught me to build my own
“You’ll never be able to afford this house without me.”
That was my ex’s first thought when I told him I wanted a divorce.
We lived in a nice, new house that we had built together. But behind those shiny new walls were endless nights of arguments, weekends of drunken outbursts, and constant belittling me because he was a lawyer and I wasn’t.
And it did seem that I wouldn’t be able to do it without his 20k/year income. We didn’t really have anything in savings, we also didn’t have much debt, yet we were living paycheck to paycheck.
Apart from convincing him that I was 100% done, my focus was on two things. My kids and my budget.
I scrutinized it with the intensity of an auditor at year end. Every purchase for the previous year was categorized. Every subscription weighed and valued. Every odd and end debated.
The solution was just as you’d expect from anyone looking to stay in budget. Cut the subscriptions (except for a couple like Netflix and lawn care), limit eating out, and do I really need that dress that I’ll wear once in the next 5 years?
I also kept searching for a job, which came within months of the divorce being final, but could I afford it without him? Absolutely. And how empowering it was. I did not need to keep someone toxic around. Not for the sake of being in a relationship, and not for the sake of paying bills.
The weight on my shoulders, my mind, and my heart were all instantly lifted the day he left.
I was free.
That threat he made months before reminded me very quickly that divorce is the best motivator for improving your budget, making more money, and saving as quickly as you can. It also reminded me what I later repeated to my daughters over and over: never make anyone else your only means of living. You never know what's going to happen — illness, death, divorce, and more are far too swift and sudden to leave yourself without a stable footing.
P.S. If you’re considering a divorce, in the middle of one, or just finished, I created 3 separate checklists to help you maintain your emotional, financial, legal, and personal safety stability.