Why Choosing Who You Spend Time With Matters
From Childhood to Adulthood, Every Influence Forms Whom You Become
My brother is a terrible, abusive, manipulative person. Point blank.
He wasn’t always that way. When he was a young kid, he had a sweet heart, a kind demeanor, and loved doing typical little boy activities. But as he entered late elementary school, he started choosing friends that weren’t good for him.
I remember the first time he ever got in major trouble was when he and a friend were throwing rocks through windows of a neighbor’s trailer.
My dad was livid. My mom? “He’s just a boy, he didn’t mean any harm.” Since my dad worked a lot and my mom was home all the time, my dad had no control over what my brother was and wasn’t doing. He had no control over whom my brother was hanging out with or where he was going.
And my mom simply didn’t care, as long as she could sit on the couch, watch tv, and smoke cigarettes.
Our Character Building Starts in Childhood
Unfortunately, early on, the person my brother was around the most was my mom, and - despite being blood related - she certainly did not have his best interest at heart.
For my mom, her days were filled with finding ways to get immediate pleasure to cover up how much she hated herself and her situation. Cigarettes, ordering food from Swanson’s, anything she could get her hands on at Kmart, television all day, and hanging out with the bottom of the barrel from the neighborhood.
Her children and husband simply weren’t a priority. She didn’t help with homework. She didn’t maintain the house. She never made dinner until my dad came home after 6 pm from a long day of work and commute.
Lasting Effects if Not Corrected
Her lack of care and rules for my brother formed whom he became. And his tendency to break the rules and causes chaos continued well into adulthood. Those that tried to steer him in the right direction were met with belittling, condescension, anger, and violence.
When he was 20, my dad told him to either go to college or get a job. He did neither, and when my dad told him to mow the lawn, he strangled my dad and went to jail for the night. Why my dad bailed him out, I’ll never know. My dad always had a soft spot for him, until the final straw came about 10 years later and he disowned him.
He’s been to jail a few times. Most of the time for attacking someone else. Or doing something stupid like driving without insurance.
Conditioned to Hurt Others
No matter how bad things get in his life, he grew up conditioned to believe that it’s ok to live that way. To just barely scrape by. To use and abuse others just to get through another day. To hurt any manipulate anyone that doesn’t give him what he wants.
Yes, my mother created a monster. Another human being just like her.
Such is the downfall of being surrounded by the wrong people during your childhood and your early adulthood.
Consequences for a Lifetime
When we are surrounded by the wrong people, our behaviors and our actions change. We are coaxed and conditioned into believing that “it’s just the way it is”. And we end up not trying to be better people, forever trapped in a vicious cycle.
Sometimes we break free and cut out the toxicity from our lives, finding better friends, role models, and mentors. Sometimes we learn to rise above the poor behaviors we once had.
It all starts with coming to terms with the fact that the people we surround ourselves with might not actually be good for us. Sure, they may be fun in the moment, but when things really get hard? They keep us stuck where we are. In the pits.
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This is such a raw and heartbreaking reflection on how our environments shape us. It’s devastating to see how a lack of
Thank you for sharing such a raw and honest account of your brother’s journey and the impact of early influences. It’s heartbreaking to see how much our childhood environment shapes who we become, especially when the people who should have nurtured and guided us failed to do so. It’s a painful reminder of how deeply the wrong influences can affect someone’s life. I appreciate your perspective on breaking free from toxic cycles…acknowledging the impact and making the choice to rise above is so powerful. Wishing you strength in continuing to navigate your own path away from the toxicity. ❤️