Why It's Not Ok to Be Constantly Overwhelmed or Overworked

And What You Can Do to Change It

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Photo by John Cameron on Unsplash

My husband is the energizer bunny. He wakes up at 4:45 to get to work by 6, barely takes a lunch, and leaves at 4:30 to get home around 5. 

But he doesn’t stop there. 

If it’s a day that my step kids are with their mom after school for a few hours, then he’s working out in the gym before we eat a quick dinner and pick them up at 7. 

After that we’re straight to homework, studying, household chores, and bedtime routines. By the time we get the younger two in bed, it’s 9:45, and my second oldest daughter sometimes wants to come hang out with us. She’s 17 and she’d rather be with us that with her step siblings (12 and 8).

All this to say, he is moving nonstop from 4:45 am to 9:45 at night. 

I admire his persistence and his dedication. 

But his constant ability to go, go, go, drains my energy.

My introverted nature means I burn out quickly with constant noise and activity. So once I’m done helping with homework and getting kids to bed, I need to be in a quiet space where I can just let my mind rest. And I need my 8+ hours of sleep before I go to my 9–5 Monday-Friday. 

On nights that we don’t have the younger two (like the weekends they are with their mom), we usually enjoy date nights, watching a movie together, going on walks, calmer things together. 

He finally got to the point where he can relax with me at the end of a long day and not feel like he has to be actively up and doing something. For the longest time in his past, he had to carry his family financially and with everything to keep the household going at home. He didn’t know any other way to live. I remind him that he has me now and I’m here to support him and our family in every way. 

His reply? “It’s ok, I’m used to it.”

And my reply is always, “just because you’re used to it doesn’t make it ok.”

You see, we get into these routines, habits, and schedules where we think it’s ok to be burnt out, to go weeks without more than 5 hours of sleep each night, or constantly moving from the moment we wake to the moment we sleep. We’re conditioned to accept the way things are when we lack support or motivation to make significant changes in our lives.

Standing up to a narcissistic spouse, finding a new job, asking for support… sometimes we feel shame to ask for help or lack the belief that we can get something better. 

Eventually, everyone breaks down. We all hit our limit. And the consequences are never good. 

We either explode, letting everything we’ve had bottled up for years and harm the ones we love, or we implode, causing ourselves to collapse into depression, negative health effects, and potential self-harm. 

If you feel like this, constantly on the go, constantly accepting negative circumstances because you feel like there is no other way, then let me tell you what I tell my husband.

Just because you’re used to it doesn’t make it ok. 

You do not have to accept the way things are. There is a better life waiting for you.

Look for things that you can change today. Tomorrow. This week. This month. Find a support system. Start looking for a better job. Talk to your spouse about what you need from them and the effects it has on you to not have their support.

I won’t lie to you. Things will not change overnight. But if you don’t start now, or at all, things will never change, period.

It’s time to change your life. What small tasks can you do today to move your life in a positive direction?

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