The Government Took Me at 4, My Mother Destroyed My Father, and I'm Grateful for All of It

How childhood trauma taught me that resilience isn't inherited—it's chosen, one decision at a time

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The government took me from my family when I was 4. My grandmother destroyed my trust in family. My mother was a master manipulator. And I'm grateful for all of it.

Most people would call my childhood traumatic. I call it my resilience bootcamp.

We all have childhood wounds that could define us…

Taken at 4

At 4, I was taken by the government from my back yard because my maternal grandmother lied out her ass about my parents.

I remember before they took me, that my dad threatened her with a baseball bat to leave our home. She had already filed multiple false reports on my parents, and eventually, we were in the local newspaper. (Link to a snippet of my dad’s autobiography here.)

Shortly after, I was placed with a foster family. I remember being yelled at because I didn’t hold a fork right. I hated them, and as you can imagine, wanted nothing more than to be back with my family. Oddly enough, she never made any accusations regarding my younger brother, and he was never taken away. My parents would say that she was trying to get a second chance at raising a daughter. She viewed my mother as a failure.

Living in Hell

After getting back to my family when my grandmother lost the court battle epically, I remember watching my mom destroy my dad in every way for years.

Financially, emotionally, mentally, romantically - our house was never a happy home. She cheated. She stole. She spent every dime he made. She didn’t take care of the house, refused to work, didn’t help cook dinner when he came home late from work, and always threw a fit when he said he wanted a divorce. She would go as far as threatening suicide just to keep him bound to her.

He excelled in his career - and had nothing to show for it. Near the end, we lived in a cheap townhouse 60 miles from his job in Memphis. Can you imagine? A 60-mile drive there and back, just to come home to hell? His car was repossessed when she didn’t send in the payment, piles of dirty laundry filled our dining/laundry area, and homework was never done. She was content living off of him and contributing nothing to the family or household.

Eventually, enough was enough, and he filed for divorce and moved back to Georgia.

Finding My Foundation

I celebrated when they divorced and I was allowed to go live with my dad at 12-years-old. My brother stayed with my mother.

Life was peaceful, and despite paying for her trailer on top of all of our expenses, he was able to build a savings account and provide more than he ever could with her.

But her abuse never ended. She took advantage of him all the way up until he died from cancer at 60-years-old. And he always forgave her.

Thankfully, he can’t see the way she slanders his name and blames her poor behavior and habits on him even now.

Back to the point.

Growing up was anything but a happy childhood. The best moments were after divorce when my dad found my stepmom. She provided the female role model I really needed, and loved my dad the way he needed.

My dad provided the stability, structure, and positive mindset that I needed to avoid having a victim mindset. It would have been far too easy to have allowed myself to flounder in self-pity and spiral downward into a pit. I could have easily blamed it on my upbringing. But Dad would not have allowed it.

His constant examples of perseverance and positivity changed who I would become and give me the ability to be resilient in the face of all that was coming in my adulthood.

The Lessons That Saved Me

Resilience isn't inherited—it's chosen and learned, one decision at a time.

If there’s anything I’ve learned from a broken and tumultuous childhood, it’s these three lessons:

1. Choose Your Role Model, Not Your Warning - Look at the people in your life—both positive and negative examples. Consciously decide: “I will be like [dad]” instead of “I don't want to be like [mom].” Focus on emulating strength rather than avoiding weakness.

2. Reframe Your Story Daily - Each morning, ask yourself: “How is this challenge building my resilience?” Instead of “Why is this happening to me?” ask “What strength is this teaching me?” Your narrative determines your destiny.

3. Find Your Stability Anchor - Identify one person, practice, or principle that provides consistent structure in your life. Like my dad provided for me, everyone needs that steady force that won't let them wallow in victim mentality. If you don't have it naturally, create it.

My dad taught me that resilience is a choice we make every single day. I chose to become a victor instead of a victim, using every painful moment as fuel to become stronger. That choice changed everything.

Your trauma was real, but so is your power to choose what it creates in you.

What childhood challenge shaped your resilience? Share your story below and subscribe for weekly reminders that your past doesn't define your future—it refines it.

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Rock bottom became my foundation. After losing everything, I rebuilt from zero—with two kids watching my every move. What I discovered changed everything: crisis isn't your ending, it's your beginning.

The 4-Step Adaptive Growth System turns your darkest hour into your greatest comeback. This isn't theory—it's battle-tested reality from someone who's walked through fire.

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